How? How could you know it? Know things about me I've never told anyone? I've never told anyone about last fall, maybe because I don't want people to know, but I also think that maybe it's because I don't want to remember it, I don't want people to know that I was in a hole so deep, I couldn't get up myself.
But now I wonder, did I ever get out? I feel like the darkness I saw last year is holding on to me, like it wont let go, or maybe it's me? Maybe I'm the one who's holding on to the darkness? Maybe I need it, maybe I need something that I can hide behind? But I don't want it. How can i need something, but at the same time I don't want it. It's here, I can feel it. It's time like these where I wish you would tell me, that I'm not alone in this world and that you will be there for me, even if I hit rock bottom. That's all I need.
A person asked me a question the other day, why did I start writing this blog? I think I started because I needed to tell something/someone everything. All the things I never say. All the things I need to get out of my system, so I can be that happy girl, people see my as. I want to be that happy girl that everyone thinks I am. So I need this. Need this, so I wont break down. But also I wanted to write things, that someone might read, and I wouldn't be alone. Someone would know that my life isn't the best.
xoxo
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