Love gives me hope

This kinda reminds me of my boyfriend and me. Well parts of it, the first part.
He's my first boyfriend, I'm not his first girlfriend, figure the rest out yourself...
I'm crazy in love with this guy. I love the way he respects me and makes me feel special. There is nothing better than lying in his arms and if i could, I would hold his hand till the end of the world. His love towards me makes me speechless. I don't know what I would do without him atm. <3

We all have these...

We all have theses problems, that we never talk to anyone about, maybe we're scared of what other people would think of us, maybe we don't have the guts to stand up and say it or maybe it's because the problems have become a part of who we are and we don't want to let people all the way in?
So what's my problems? I don't have any.. Who am I kidding? My problems are hard to tell, because I've never told anyone about them before, not really actually, not anyone irl at least. But there comes a time in your life, when you need to let someone in and show them everything, not only your good parts, but also the part you wish you could keep to your self . Because at some point in your life it will take over, it will be the thoughts that controls your mind and control you as a person. I've seen it happen and it isn't a pretty sight.
Well, let me tell you about my problems.
I don't think I'm good enough, not good enough in school, not pretty enough, not good enough at handball, not thin enough. I don't think I deserve what I got, I don't deserve Christian, he's to good for me, he deserves only the best, and I can't see how the best thing can be me?
I'm afraid of loving, I feel that every time I really start loving a person, he or she lets me down, I've tried it to many times before.
I'm terrified of loosing people to death, like really terrified, it isn't just that I'm a little afraid and will be sad if someone dies, my entire life will literally crash down if someone who I love dies, it's something that can keep me up at night.
I'm not afraid of my own death, but I'm actually looking forward to the peace that comes along with it, but I am afraid of leaving the people I love behind.
I'm afraid of opening myself up 100%, I'm afraid of being hurt if the person I let in, lets me down.
These are some of my problems, and I'm sure that I''m not the only one dealing with these things. They are a part of many teenagers lives. They keep hitting you to your knees. But as a quote says "You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward." and it's true, life will knock you down, time after time, hard. But if you after every punch can stand back up, you something, whether it's courage or something else, no one can tell you.

tbh I've been working on this post for quite a while now, since the last post I think so. I'm just not sure that I wanted to post it, cause as you can read, I'm afraid of letting people in, when I started this post, I knew what I wanted to write, but as time pasted I often logged in, wanting to edit the post, but then just reading it and doing nothing with it. But It's coming out now. I'm opening up, even if it will knock me down.

This feeling

I have this feeling and I don't know how to describe it, but it's about my boyfriend. I love him, so damn much. But I'm afraid of loosing him, especially because we don't go in the same class anymore. When ever I know he's with someone else, especially girls I get jalousie. I wanna be there with him. It like the quote from One Tree Hill Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you? The only person I see standing next to me is him. No one else. It's weird, feeling like this, it's a feeling stronger than anything I could ever imagine. But at the same time it's scarier than anything else. It scares me to death loving a person so much, but I would tray it for anything. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He mens the absolute world to me ♥

Sonja. RIP ♥

I haven't really talked to anyone about this, but a couple of months ago I found out that Sonja died, I've been holding it back, but every time I see a picture of her I want to cry.

Well, let me tell you the story of Sonja.
Sonja is a horse I used to ride, she was quite fat tbh. but I loved her with all of my heart. A lot of times I felt like she was the only one in the world who didn't talk about me behind my bag, who didn't criticize me for being myself. It was like she loved me, I trusted her. I loved her, she was special. She meant the world to me and I never thought that she would leave this world before I could tell her a proper goodbye. She is the horse which you can see in the picture btw. I miss her. So, Rest in peace Sonja, you deserve it ♥


BTW 3 months with my boyfriend tomorrow <3

2010.. ♥

Ups and downs. Smiles and tears. God and bad. It's been a year full of everything. My life has changed a lot, but it's all been to the better. I've meet some people in 2010 that I'll never forget.
I've heard these quotes quit a lot recently, but I think they fits.
Brooke: George Bernard Shaw once wrote: "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it." Clearly, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice.
Nathan Scott: As far as I'm concerned, Shaw was a punk. Cause you know what? Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure your still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.
Haley James: This year, I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for. But in a way, I lost even more.
Lucas 'Luke' Scott: Shaw was right. As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better: money, popularity, fame... we ignore what truly matters, the simple things, like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.
Mouth McFadden: So Mr. Shaw thinks that getting your heart's desire is a tragedy? I say he's wrong. I mean, clearly Shaw never kissed Erica Marsh.
Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for. This year I wished for love... to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn't give it back for the world.
Lucas 'Luke' Scott: And Hansel said to Gretal: Let us drop these bread crumbs, so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruel of things." This year I lost my way.
Nathan Scott: And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey... is a fate more cruel.
Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: The journey lasted eight months. Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who'd arrived. It wasn't me at all.
Brooke: And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.
Mouth McFadden: Because sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.
I lost my way this year and didn't know where to go, but I also gained my hearts desire. I found a love greater than all. I found him, I found someone who makes me laugh, but he can also make me cry, I don't know why and I'm not really interested in knowing it. Because I'm happy, more happy now than ever and it's all thanks to 5 people.
Christian, Aja, Kristine, Cecilie and Giulia. I don't really know how to thank them, but I'm out of this world happy, because they like me for who I am, I've never felt the need to change when I'm with them, so even though you might not read this.. Thank you ♥

As far as my handball, it's been a year with a lot of pain and tears, back in the spring I broke my noose so I couldn't play in 4 weeks I think? But then I got selected to go to four national games in Spain everything went really well, but then in december I overloaded my shoulder, and yet again I was out for four weeks, now I've begun to train again, I wonder if I this year can go without a serious injury.. I hope so, but you never know in this sport.