Last fall and a question

How? How could you know it? Know things about me I've never told anyone? I've never told anyone about last fall, maybe because I don't want people to know, but I also think that maybe it's because I don't want to remember it, I don't want people to know that I was in a hole so deep, I couldn't get up myself.
But now I wonder, did I ever get out? I feel like the darkness I saw last year is holding on to me, like it wont let go, or maybe it's me? Maybe I'm the one who's holding on to the darkness? Maybe I need it, maybe I need something that I can hide behind? But I don't want it. How can i need something, but at the same time I don't want it. It's here, I can feel it. It's time like these where I wish you would tell me, that I'm not alone in this world and that you will be there for me, even if I hit rock bottom. That's all I need.

A person asked me a question the other day, why did I start writing this blog? I think I started because I needed to tell something/someone everything. All the things I never say. All the things I need to get out of my system, so I can be that happy girl, people see my as. I want to be that happy girl that everyone thinks I am. So I need this. Need this, so I wont break down. But also I wanted to write things, that someone might read, and I wouldn't be alone. Someone would know that my life isn't the best.

xoxo

Rest in Peace

So on the 21. october it will be 13 years since my dad passed away from lung cancer. I'm so sad atm. I don't really know if anyone can see it, but I can feel the tears in my eyes all the time. Every time I have just 2 seconds where I can think, I wanna burst into tears. I hate it. I don't wanna feel the same way I did last fall. I remember the feeling and it scares me to death, I promised myself I wouldn't fall back into the hole, but right now it feels like I'm being dragged.

Why? I ask myself that question all the time. But I never get an answar! Why did it happen to me? My mom? She deserves better. I hate it and I hate him. Why did he have to leave? I love him with all of my heart, but I hate him for leaving us. I know it isn't his fault, but I can't help but feeling like he left us. I'm in tears right now, I wan't him back. I need him properly more than ever.

I hate feeling this helpless, right now all I need is someone to hold me tight and promise that they'll never let me down, never let me fall back into the hole . But where will I find that person? Help me.. I need it

Updates again xD

SORRY FOR THE LACK OF POSTS :3

I really need to be better at writing, but I just have SO many things going on with high school, my friends and handball.

I'm not home from the 20-27th september, going to SPAIN with the national team. It's aaaawesome. But unfortunately I'm not going to see Christian and Cecilie. They're the people I talk to the most atm. Gonna miss them

HIGH SCHOOL IS AWESOME!! I'm still loving it, but it's a lot harder than my old school, I'm not the intelligent anymore, there is a lot of really clever people in my class. I don't think I'll get as good grades as I did in my old school :3

Updates on everything

Hey peeps :D
I have some news about everything ;D

UPDATES:
High school - I'M LOVING IT! It's really awesome. One of the best things that have ever happened to me :D

Friends - I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING FRIENDS! Really they're giving me my life back. I didn't have any real friends for a long time, but now I'm living life. It's totally awesome! Haha, yes, I'm obsessed with the words awesome and amazing ;D

Handball - I'm going to freaking Spain with the national team :D It so amazing, I've been fighting for since summer vacation. So it's really amazing. Yes I said it again (;

It's going to be an exciting time for me!

see you (:
xoxo

FIRST DAY :D

Oh man. I think it will be difficult being a moderator, high school and handball. But It's also going to be AWESOME!!!
But still, I can't wait until it's over XD

Promise to have a good blog up, the next time :p

talk to you soon (;
xoxo

A new start

There is now a week until I start in High school, and god am I excited :D
3 years of school, then I'm hopefully going to study medicine :3 Big hopes peeps (;
Well I hope you will enjoy another school year, I hope I will :p

11 days D:

There is only 11 days until I start school again, but this time It's gonna be high school. I'm so excited about that, but I would rather be on summer vacation (;
I think it's gonna be difficult, but rather interesting. So now all I can do is enjoy the last days of my summer vacation :D

xoxo