There isn't enough words to describe the beauty of this song!

Those hardest to love need it most

I watched our bodies turn to ghosts

Such good friends, it has to end it always does

That's the way life is

Do we take that risk?

And so it all boils down to this

We've got our aim but we might miss

We are too fragile just to guess

And I've been in this place before

Fine as we are but we want more

That's human nature at its best

What if we ruin it all, and we love like fools?

And all we have we lose?

I don't want you to go but I want you so

So tell me what we choose

Friends, I watched us as we changed

The feelings in my headspace rearranged

I want you more than I've wanted anyone

Isn't that dangerous?

The anticipation before the kiss

Mirrored in my shaking lips

Oh god I feel so unprepared

The two of us so out of place

My feelings written on my face

Got what I want but now I'm scared

What if we ruin it all, and we love like fools?

And all we have we lose?

I don't want you to go but I want you so

So tell me what 

Tell me what we choose

What we choose

What we choose

What if we ruin it all, and we love like fools?

And all we have we lose?

I don't want you to go but I want you so

So tell me what 

Tell me what

Tell me what we choose

when we were starting out

to long for how it used to be, you know back when we were starting out, back when it was the first time, back when everything was new, but its not, everything isn't new, we aren't who we were and things aren't how they were. I mean how much energy do people spend wishing things were how they were? If you need to celebrate how good it was then celebrate, if you need to remember how great it was whe
n they were alive, then remember that. And if you need to grieve, grieve. If you need to apologize or make amends or you need to do something to make peace with how it was then do it, but then move on. I mean there is a certain kind of despair that sets in when we believe that things were better back then. You know when we're stuck back there and when we're not fully present when we're still holding on to how things were our arms aren't free to embrace today.

We say goodbye in the pouring rain

I don't have a count on how many times I've heard this song. It still gives me chills. I'm still absolutely in love with this, it helped me trough a lot of things and listening to it makes me happy. I'm sitting here listening to it and I automatically have a smile on my face. The first time I listened to this song I heard it nonstop for 5 hours and I don't think I will ever be bored by it. It is really truly amazing. And it will have a special place. 

Society killed the teenager

why on earth would anyone stay?

When you know paradise is just one dose away

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still here

Light one more cigarette, stub out my fear

Head underwater to block my ears

Of all the things I know but I don't want to hear

Cause I can't be, anything you want to see

I can only be what I know how

And I won't go wherever you want to go

Cause it sounds like my idea of hell

So please don't drag me down

This song is one of the most amazing songs I've ever heard. It has so much emotions. Don't know what else to say.

This house no longer feels like home

Oh,you can hear me cry. See my dreams all die. From where you're standing. On your own. It's so quiet here. And I feel so cold. This house no longer. Feels like home.. Oh,when you told me you'd leave. I felt like I couldn't breath. My aching bodyfell to the floor. Then I called you at home. You said that you weren't alone. I should've known better. Now it hurts much more. You caused my heart to bleed and You still owe me a reason. I can't figure out why... Why I'm alone and freezing. While you're in the bed that she's in. I'm just left alone to cry. Oh,you can hear me cry. See my dreams all die. From where you're standing. On your own. It's so quiet here. And I feel so coldThis house no longerFeels lïke home.

It's difficult, isn't it? To figure out what you really want. Cause suddenly you're sitting here, as an eighteen year old who doesn't got one single fucking clue about what she wants with her life. I've promised that the next time I see you I will know what I've figured out about us and tbh I think I know what I want. I just don't know how to tell you. Because how do you tell your ex-boyfriend that you want to go back to the days where you never even knew you had feelings for him? Where you could write about anything but there was never anything else involved, than you liked each others company and personalities. But at the some time, being together then was awkward, I like it know how I can be a little kid around him and he accepts it, because he knows that's how I am. What I am. Somewhere in all of this I want my best friend. Even though I want all of this, all of these things I know I can have, if I just tell you. There will probably be a part of me that wants more, cause loosing your first love never gets easy. You just get used to it, like you get used to living without a father. I want us to be honest, about everything, even though it's gonna hurt I want you to tell me about the girl(s) in your life, cause I would rather know the things from you, than from some rumor. Well, here I was thinking this would be a short thing, but no. Once again my feelings took over. But know I promise myself and everyone else reading this, that the next time he asks for my decision I'll tell him. It's not fair to either of us not knowing.

What can I say?

I have no idea what I'm doing with my life atm. I'm now eighteen years old, but I don't feel like an adult. I feel more like a stupid little girl than ever before. But I'm going to Rome tomorrow and I'm going to have the best trip, make out with hot italien guys, get drunk and enjoy my life. Because I deserve to!

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I don't want to hear about it!

You know that feeling? Not wanting to hear about things? Well my best friend has just been on a skiing trip with a lot of other people from school, including my x. And I'm sure she is going to tell me about it, how amazing it was, all the stupid and fun things they did. I just don't want to hear about it. It's gonna make me jealous and I'm gonna have a hard time faking the happy face saying "sounds great" and laughing over the things they found funny while being down there and all the things they can talk about now, which I will have no clue about. But she's my best friend so I'm gonna but on that mask of being happy because I know she have had the best time while being there. But that is what you do right? Put on the mask, being happy even though you don't really want to.

P.S. I love you

But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you.

I watched "P.S. I love you" last night, not to feel sorry for my self or to cry, but to remind myself that even though it hurts, I can fall in love again, I will fall in love again. And I shouldn't be afraid of falling in love again, cause he choose to leave me. He is one chapter in my life.. There will be more.

Depressing thoughts.

I'll come back to the picture. Not having the best of times at the moment. I don't know where to start. My sister died on the second of February, she's been in and out of the hospital the last year, but this time she didn't make it. It's hard getting through this, because I can't just start crying. I feel like I need to be strong, for her. But yes, I do feel like crying and just give up on everything, but I won't do that. I'll get through it with my family.
I'd never had my heart broken, before he broke it. I've been thinking a lot about it lately and I'm in the making of a decision, I won't tell it here, cause I know he might read it. But I have to talk to him.. We'll se how it goes.

Letting go

"To let go isnt to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesnt leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isnt about winning or losing. Its not about pride and its not about how you appear, and its not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isnt blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesnt leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. Its not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isnt about loss and its not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. Its about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up."

How? Why? What?

How can it still be hurting?

Why is it still hurting?

What can I do to make it stop?

Love doesn't hurt.

I love you

He is like a drug to me..

..And there is nothing I can do.

Trying to go on "Rehab". If he doesn't want me, then why do I keep wanting him? Because he completes me, that's why. I keep asking myself these questions, like one day I'll be able to say "I don't want him anymore", but the truth is I'll always want him.

He says what he feels for me, is the love for a friend. But I don't believe him. I think he has convinced himself to feel like that. But who am I to say? I still hope, every day, that he'll wake up and realize the mistake he has made. Like I every day wake up, realizing how much I miss him and need him. So much it hurts..

People all say, it's gonna be okay. But when? when does the "Okay" part begin? Cause I con't feel it. I don't love him any less now, I don't miss him less, I still need him as much as I did before, I still think about him as much. It doesn't hurt any less thinking about him. It don't feel easier knowing he's not mine. So when? When is it going to be okay?

Christmas eve

I know everybody is all like "Just be happy you even got something". Well I have to say I'm kind off disappointed. Got a giftcard for Fona. Ya I can use that. But other than that I "only" got 600 kr. I can't really buy anything I like with that. I know what I want is expensive.. But I kind off hoped they would surprise me and get me one of those things. But no. Haven't gotten the gift from my mom yet. But she can't afford the gifts either. So I got to wait till my eighteens birthday. But that's only in three months..

Today has also been the day where I've missed having a boyfriend the most, having someone who loves you give you a present you know you'll love no matter what, sending him a long text with how glad you are and how  much you love him. Also giving a gift to someone you love. So this has actually been the day I've missed Christian the most as my boyfriend and so it hurts. Also because I know what I wanted to give him..

God damn you're beautiful

that one person

Life

Dont know what to write, so just letting you all know that I'm alive.

Going up

I've been to Lübeck for the last couple of days. It wasn't like "The best trip ever, never wanna go home", but it felt nice getting away from everything..

Getting oh so very drunk on next thuesday!! Going to drink all the pain away and lose control!
Bought a dress today in New Yorker! sexy! Maybe going to buy some high heels, not quite sure though.