We all have these...

We all have theses problems, that we never talk to anyone about, maybe we're scared of what other people would think of us, maybe we don't have the guts to stand up and say it or maybe it's because the problems have become a part of who we are and we don't want to let people all the way in?
So what's my problems? I don't have any.. Who am I kidding? My problems are hard to tell, because I've never told anyone about them before, not really actually, not anyone irl at least. But there comes a time in your life, when you need to let someone in and show them everything, not only your good parts, but also the part you wish you could keep to your self . Because at some point in your life it will take over, it will be the thoughts that controls your mind and control you as a person. I've seen it happen and it isn't a pretty sight.
Well, let me tell you about my problems.
I don't think I'm good enough, not good enough in school, not pretty enough, not good enough at handball, not thin enough. I don't think I deserve what I got, I don't deserve Christian, he's to good for me, he deserves only the best, and I can't see how the best thing can be me?
I'm afraid of loving, I feel that every time I really start loving a person, he or she lets me down, I've tried it to many times before.
I'm terrified of loosing people to death, like really terrified, it isn't just that I'm a little afraid and will be sad if someone dies, my entire life will literally crash down if someone who I love dies, it's something that can keep me up at night.
I'm not afraid of my own death, but I'm actually looking forward to the peace that comes along with it, but I am afraid of leaving the people I love behind.
I'm afraid of opening myself up 100%, I'm afraid of being hurt if the person I let in, lets me down.
These are some of my problems, and I'm sure that I''m not the only one dealing with these things. They are a part of many teenagers lives. They keep hitting you to your knees. But as a quote says "You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward." and it's true, life will knock you down, time after time, hard. But if you after every punch can stand back up, you something, whether it's courage or something else, no one can tell you.

tbh I've been working on this post for quite a while now, since the last post I think so. I'm just not sure that I wanted to post it, cause as you can read, I'm afraid of letting people in, when I started this post, I knew what I wanted to write, but as time pasted I often logged in, wanting to edit the post, but then just reading it and doing nothing with it. But It's coming out now. I'm opening up, even if it will knock me down.