Just smile

Everyone says I look happier now, than I did a few days ago. Well I'm not. I just have that gift. I can hide my feelings behind the smile and no one will never now. I hope that I can talk to you about it all soon, cause even though you aren't my boyfriend, you are still the person which I trust with all my little thoughts.

To long for how it used to be...

To long for how it used to be, you know back when we were starting out, back when it was the first time, back when everything was new, but its not, everything isn't new, we aren't who we were and things aren't how they were. I mean how much energy do people spend wishing things were how they were? If you need to celebrate how good it was then celebrate, if you need to remember how great it was when they were alive, then remember that. And if you need to grieve, grieve. If you need to apologize or make amends or you need to do something to make peace with how it was then do it, but then move on. I mean there is a certain kind of despair that sets in when we believe that things were better back then. You know when we're stuck back there and when we're not fully present when we're still holding on to how things were our arms aren't free to embrace today.

I just tell myself to be happy. But I don't feel happy. And when I try to change it, when I try to remember what being happy felt like, I can't. I don't feel joy. I don't feel inspired. I just feel numb.

Wish I could call you

Only one in the world who's struggling

Normally I would write to him, with how I feel, simply because he knows me better than everybody else. I hope that one day, I can talk to him about these things again, even though it would only be as friends. Cause he wasn't only my boyfriend, he is also my best friend, which also is the reason why I can handle this and become friends with him.

"Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you."

So ya, sorry for the overload of posts, but don't know who else I can talk to..

It's okay, not to be okay..

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars! Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing, it's okay not to be okay... Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart. Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, just be true to who you are!

It has ended

There is no more you and I, no more us. It hurts it really does. Right now it seems like the pain will never go away. It feels like a part of me has gone away. I'll get over you, I know I will. I just don't know when. It's going to be difficult. But apparently we just wasn't meant to be. But you disappoint me, it's what you did that hurts.. Yes, I feel used..

Didn't really care...

I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who didn’t really care much about what people thought about them…..but I don’t think I am..